hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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