i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
