Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
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we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
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Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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