So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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