i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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