I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
