I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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