I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
