I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
