My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
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Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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