I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
