Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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