Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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