I accidentally burped into my bong.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
