First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
