Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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