we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
