You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
