Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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