No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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