Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
