Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
