I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
