Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
