I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
