I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
