You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
