After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
