Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
