i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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