I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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