Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
