Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
