Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
