I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
