so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
