Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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