Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
