I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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