I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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