maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
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I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
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Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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