So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
