Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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