What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So squirting runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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