She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
