Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
