Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
