Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
