new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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