Dude my mom stole all your condoms
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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