I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
