I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
