i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
