If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
