come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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