Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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