i just sent this text using only my big toe
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
