we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
