At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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