Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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