Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
only if we run a train.
done.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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