He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Randomize
