JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
