jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
