there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize