New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
