and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
