Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
