So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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