I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
