Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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