Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
