you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
