what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
