I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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