dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
