I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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