dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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