Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
