Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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