Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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