it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
