literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
