put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
