hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
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from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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