Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
