How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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