Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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