I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
