I love black thongs
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
