i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
